On Second Hand - Smartness

Depressed. Family and friends offered their opinions and views. Depressed. I forced myself to think critically rather than relying on feelings. Depressed. I led each day without passing one. And I finally realized a lot of things.

It's called a Breakup because it's broken. It can be fixed but that essentially requires effort and faith from both parties. I've always believe that it's never solely a party's fault that cause the end of a relationship; both parties contribute to it whether knowingly or unknowingly. It's true that during this depression period, I've gone through what most of you had. Blaming this, blaming that, finding faults with myself, raking my brain for what I've could possibly done wrong, reprimanding myself for not being understanding/sensitive/what not and the list goes on. But I also tried to think through what exactly was wrong with the relationship in a constructive manner. Like I said, both parties are at fault so I'm not going to victimize myself (refer to previous post - Victimization) and push the blames away.

On a personal note, I had believe that when I love a person a lot, I will give the support and attention needed by the other party, shower him with all the love, care and concern. In return, all I require is his love and nothing else. Both parties should get into the relationship with a big heart, otherwise it will result in the inability to derive any form of happiness from it (it could also result in the refusal to see happiness due to any underlying reasons or self-denial). And these will nurture the relationship and blossom into something beautiful. When I finally met him, I told myself.. "he's the one". However, with the finale to our relationship, my personal belief was proven to be untrue. Suddenly, it dawned upon me that things nowadays are not as simple as I thought they are. Subconsciously, man no longer need their lady to just treat them good.

Males and females vary in many aspects. Males are arguably more competitive, aggressive and ambitious in nature compared to females. A stagnant, constant and comfortable environment will increase the level of boredom they experience. It wouldn't be long before they feel the need to venture off into some new unknown territory in search of excitement, challenges and attention. I was stupid on my part to not have noticed/believed this all along. Even though I had seen how some girls would play hard to get, treated their boyfriends like sh*t and the guys would still be drawn to them like flies to dung. Still, I refused to believe the approach these girls took is correct and insisted on my way of loving a person I truly love. Hence, I followed through my beliefs faithfully, giving all I can and be as magnanimous as possible. I was clearly wrong. Then I realized all other boyfriends whom I've treated like sh*t were really stuck to me like a leech.

A smart lady would first - play hard to get. Courtship is a wonderful thing which is gone once it's gone and will never be revive. As a girl, you get the attention, the company, the dinner/movie dates and the long sweet chat over the phone. Of course, they would want to drag it as long as possible. It's not uncommon to see guys having to court a girl for as long as 6 months nowadays (it's true 'cause I did have one). And to prevent the guys from diverting their attention, it's time to play the fishing game where you tug and release the invisible fishing line attached to your target's heart. When they finally became of girlfriend status, they would hold on to one thing guys want most - Sex. Not that I don't believe that there are still girls who insisted on no pre-marital sex, but tell me seriously how many will there be? Do you really believe you'll find one? But guys are just so gullible at times when they are completely smitten and simply take in whatever was being said. So even after sex was given, they will still provide the guys with challenges to taunt them periodically (no doubt, one of my classmate's girlfriend belongs to this category). This often result in a female dominated relationship which feminists would probably clap their feet if they can.

Another common thing girls do is to victimize themselves to create the impression for the need to be protected. Being in this patriarchal society, men are brought up or taught to "protect" females. So this is also rather in-built with them. Some ladies would tap into this emotional bonding and pull on the target with an effect similar to that of the fishing game. I've got to be honest and admit that I did tried to pull this off last time, only to realize that this doesn't work everytime and will backfire when it doesn't. Comparatively, the fishing game works almost every other time. At least to my experience, it works like a charm.

I've also heard from at least 2 guy friends that some younger females have developed a weird and uncontrollable liking?/urge? (sorry I've forgotten the exact words used) to break up other couples. Having no proofs or ways of proving it, I don't know how true this is but I sure hope it's not. Else this would be a world too scary for me to live in. From time to time, I do ponder what kind of world are we coming to (some of you might be able to spot this in Victimization and Ingenious? Stupid?). What gratification do they derive out of this?

All in all, I still wish that I can hold on to my belief of loving a guy wholeheartedly and genuinely while treating him the best I can without having to worry about that causing consistent emotional flow with no fluctuation and eventually creating the delusion of no emotions. Perhaps a part of me refuse to see the light that I'm shining now, to become an essentially "Smarter" girl.

This post was written over a time span of 3 days. I have, by no means, any intention of flaming, deflaming, accusing and insulting any individuals. Somehow I feel that this post is still lacking some points, but it's a good thing I'm dozing off... Will develop it into another part if I remember what I'm lacking later.